When a door closes, you’re stuck?

An email was sent out at work yesterday regarding some internal positions.  These aren’t a surprise, we were told that more opportunities were coming available soon.  At the time of the meeting, boss man indicated that one of the positions coming available would be in training.

I was a semester away from graduating with an elementary education degree.  All I had to do was my student teaching.  But I realized that while I could teach children, I wasn’t the right type of person to teach them the way they deserve.  So instead I graduated with my English degree.  But in the years since at my jobs I’ve been put into an education role.  Usually it’s as a mentor, getting paired up with new employees to help show them the ropes.  Or existing employees will ask me questions about curring stuff, stuff they should know but for whatever reason they don’t.

So the email yesterday has several internal positions listed.  One of them is a Training Manager.  I’m all excited about this.  This is a chance for me to learn something new, to continue to grow.  I would prefer to start off as more of an associate, but it’s not an option.  And even though I don’t have any formal experience as a trainer, I know I could easily do this job and do it well.  I sent an email to my team lead to discuss the positions that came available and we’re meeting later this week.

However, I sit here now under the realization that I really cannot do this job at this time in my life.  Not because I don’t think I could do the job.  I know I could execute it very well.  No, the problem lays with my MS.  Previously I’ve had to come to terms with physical limitations. And yes, that plays a small role in this because I do get fatigued so easily some days.  But that’s not the reason why I can’t do this job.  No, this time the limitation is mental. 

I need to take a quick step back here. About mid-April I was approached by my team lead and informed that I was volunteered to test a new program at work.  It’s a case management program and is what we’re all going to be using shortly. But before it can go live, we need to test it and make sure it works the way it’s supposed to, do what we need it to do and make any changes and then test again.  Yesterday the testing process completed.  Today was the first day of training.

Four analysts were selected to participate in the testing.  All four of us were split into the different training sessions, so there was one tester per training session. I was in today’s.  As I’ve worked in this system almost daily for the last month, I had things to contribute to the training.  It was during this that the I realized I won’t be able to pursue a career in training.

Why you ask? It’s simple.  MS can cause cognitive issues.  Overall that’s not a major problem.  For the most part.  Think of a time when you were trying to think of a word.  It was there, on the tip of your tongue.  Since the onset of my MS, that’s started to happen more frequently.  I’ve gotten good at describing things.  Sunday for example we were talking about musical instruments. I couldn’t remember the name of one, so I described it “It’s round, wooden and has small cymbals around it”. Yeah, a tambourine.

While it’s one thing to have that happen on a casual basis.  It’s not going to work so well in a professional setting when trying to train people on something they may have never experienced before.  And in that case, describing things probably won’t work so well.  Sooo, no trainer position for me.  But that’s ok.  Because one of the other positions sounds right up my alley.  And hey, my English degree should help light the way for it! So I guess having this door close is ok. There’s other doors that will open for me.  I won’t be stuck.


One Response to When a door closes, you’re stuck?

  1. Courtenay says:

    TAG! You’re it! See my blog for details.


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